Sex in The City: The Death of Romance

Sex in The City

I was surfing the television channels one night and happened upon a rerun of "Sex in the City." In this particular episode, Samantha and her boyfriend happened to be visiting a sex therapist and the conversation turned into a very graphic, yet comical, description of their sexual inadequacies. Although it was amusing, I was somewhat taken aback by the description particularly as this was prime time and just about anyone could view the episode, including children.

When I was growing up, it was considered somewhat risqué to see a Tampon ad in a magazine, but I think we've gone way beyond that with Viagra, Cialis and condom commercials on television. I don't care how you try to clinically describe it, there's something embarrassing about listening to the dangers of a four hour erection, particularly when children are in the room. And please, I am certainly not a prude when it comes to sex but it seems there is an overt attempt to promote sexuality on television, in magazines or on the Internet. You can't seem to get away from it, particularly on MTV and other programs aimed at our youth. On radio, we have the shock jocks led by Howard Stern where it seems the sky is the limit. Even Homer and Marge Simpson have been shown "getting it on."

What disturbs me is that the message to our young people seems to be, "Go for it." There is little concern about the repercussions of premature pregnancies or social disease, just get a piece of ass. More importantly, there seems to be more emphasis on simply having sex as opposed to romance; that the mystique of romance has been replaced by a simple biological function. It's a sad day in our culture when romance is supplanted by wanton sex. One could easily argue this is another sign of the moral decay in our society and perhaps is indicative of our rising divorce rate.

The courtship and budding relationship between a man and a woman is priceless. It's a matter of getting to know one and other, not simply throwing off clothes and hopping into bed. Probably every young person reading this will think I'm crazy as they all have one primary interest, which is fine. I'm just here to remind you there is much more to life than just trying to seduce the next person that comes along.

A few years ago I was on a consulting assignment in Spain. Due to the time change, I couldn't sleep so I turned on the television. I remember there was a late night show from Germany being shown which was a bawdy version of the "Wheel of Fortune" where the contestants removed their clothing after they spun the wheel. I didn't understand the German language but I had no problem grasping what was going on, particularly when the contestants finally got down to their G-strings. The next day I asked my local contact about the show; he laughed as he knew about it. I went on to ask him if there was a problem with young people watching the show.

"Why should there be?" he responded matter-of-factly, "They should already be asleep by that hour shouldn't they?"

His simple logic was right on target. The answer was twofold: parents should be aware of the programs their children watch, and the networks have a moral responsibility for not corrupting the airwaves inappropriately. It's not that the Europeans have anything against sexuality, but more importantly, they appreciate the need for romance. Whereas Americans put sex in your face, the Europeans appear to see the bigger picture.

I know what you are going to say, "Don't you know how to program your television set to block certain content?" Not really, but as I said, I don't see how you can escape from it as just about every channel makes some reference to sex, be it in a show or a commercial. If my program blocker worked correctly, I would probably end up with a blank screen.

I, for one, am most definitely going to miss romance.

Tim Bryce is a writer and management consultant located in Palm Harbor, Florida. You can find his work on the Internet at: http://www.phmainstreet.com/timbryce.htm

He can be contacted at: timb001@phmainstreet.com

Copyright © 2007 Tim Bryce. All rights reserved.

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Sex in The City: Soulmate

Sex in The City

Are you searching for your Soulmate? Do you ever say to yourself or have you heard others say, “I would be happy only if I could find my Soulmate?” What exactly is a soulmate and why are we searching for one?

Wikipedia Online Encyclopedia defines Soulmate as “someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity.” Is this your definition of soulmate? If not what is your definition of soulmate?

When I found myself single again after my divorce, soulmate was a word I used often. After a failed relationship you really begin to evaluate what you want in a future partner and believe that you should settle for no less than your true “soulmate”. Because after all, if you find your “soulmate” your relationship is guaranteed to last, right?

All this talk of soulmates reminds me of an episode of Sex in the City. Carrie was once again struggling in her relationships and found herself reeling from another break up. The ultimate question “why are we always searching for our soulmate” came up. Well the ladies decided that they would be each other’s soulmates and the men in their life would just be the men in their life. This would protect them from the pain of another break. Or so they thought.

This got me thinking. Is a soulmate really your other half? If that is the case, we are then searching our whole life for someone to come along and fill that void in our life, right? Seems to me that we are giving someone else a great deal of power over whether we are complete and happy in life. I don’t know about you but I am not too comfortable with giving away my power. What about you?

Thinking of soulmate in that context forced me to re-evaluate my definition of soulmate and my search for one. What I found is that I needed to be my own soulmate before I would be able to attract one. So I set out to be the person “… with whom I had a feeling of deep and natural affinity” toward. I figured out that if I could love myself unconditionally, then I did not “need” a soulmate to fulfill me I had one, me. Wow! Talk about empowering.

Well that revelation was only half the battle. The real challenge was learning to love myself unconditionally. After all aren’t we all our own biggest critics? How does one learn to love oneself unconditionally? Great question!

Some of the steps that I took toward loving myself unconditionally were through 1) forgiveness, 2) gratitude and 3) acknowledgment.

Personally, I think forgiveness is the most important element. If you are not willing to forgive yourself and others for past mistakes you will never be able to love yourself unconditionally. A great definition of forgiveness is “letting go of the belief that you can change the past”. Isn’t that so true? Isn’t forgiveness really about accepting what happened and moving forward? The inability to forgive keeps us stuck in the past reliving the mistakes or injustices over and over again.

Recently, I heard on the OPRAH show another way of looking at forgiveness. It was stated that when one is unwilling to forgive it is like taking a daily poison and hoping the other person will die. In reality it is you who is slowly dying day by day. So I say take back your power and begin to forgive yourself and others today!

Gratitude is another import concept. Living in gratitude allows us to appreciate ourselves and the world around us. As I have written many times, keeping a gratitude journal is a great way to turn your focus from all the perceived negativity in your life to the positive. Try it, complete this sentence; “I am grateful for …….”

Finally, acknowledgments are just as important. Can you finish this sentence, “I acknowledge myself for ………….”? For many this is tough. Acknowledgments force you to look at all that you can and have accomplished in your life on a daily basis. Again, an acknowledgment journal is great for this. Take the time daily to acknowledge yourself. You will finally find out how wonderful you really are.

If you incorporate these small steps into your life everyday you will start to love and appreciate yourself and before you know it you will have unconditional love and will have found your Soulmate!

Do you want to find your Soulmate? Are you struggling with letting go of past mistakes? Do you have a hard time finding the positive things in your life or in you? Then I encourage you to hire a coach to support you in these areas. I welcome you to try a sample coaching session. You can schedule one by contacting me at coach@lisafredette.com.

Do you have an issue or topic that you want the coach to address? Send them to Lisa at coach@lisafredette.com.

Lisa A. Fredette is a CTA Certified Life Coach and a member of the Relationship Coaching Institute as well as a graduate of the Fearless Living Workshop. She is the owner of Passionate About Life Coaching. Lisa provides one on one and group coaching, workshops, and seminars. Her main focus is on supporting women who want to be successful singles after divorce and singles who wish to attract the right partner. In addition Lisa offers coaching services around the Fearless Living model. Sign up for Lisa's free report "Be the Navigator: Six Easy Steps to Getting Back into the Driver's Seat of Life" at http://www.lisafredette.com or sign up for a free sample coaching session at http://www.lisafredette.com/contact.htm

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Sex in The City: The 3 Dating Mistakes that Women Make

Sex in The City

Dating is a minefield. In the nervousness of the moment, it's easy to do or say something that you usually wouldn't. There are however, some common traps that women fall into when braving the dating scene. Making sure that you don't make these mistakes is a good start towards finding that special someone.

Dating Mistake #1: Settling for less will not make you happy

Realizing that perfection is difficult to find does not mean that you should settle for second best. When all you friend are married and you're left at home with a tub of ice-cream for company on a Friday night, a date, any date, might seem like an attractive option. But being by yourself isn't so bad and it's certainly better than being locked in an unfulfilling relationship for the sake of being in a relationship. Join a sporting club or take up knitting, but don't fill your hours with someone who doesn't care for you, treats you badly or who bores you.

Dating Mistake #2: Being someone you're not

He's tall, dark and handsome and you're mad for him. He's also really into rock climbing and insists you go with him when, really, you'd rather sit on the couch and watch Sex in the City repeats. Pretending to be interested in something your partner loves, or worse still, saying that you believe in something that you do not might make things run smoothly in the short term, but is a recipe for long-term disaster. You will feel dissatisfied if you are not true to yourself, and so will your partner. When the differences between you and your partner are extreme, it can lead to arguments.

Dating Mistake #3: Commitment phobia

The dreaded question, "So are we a couple?" can strike fear into any man's heart, especially if you have only been dating for a little while. In the early stages of a relationship, there may be no need to define yourselves as a couple. Perhaps talk about whether you would still like to see other people and certainly, if you are sleeping together, talk about "exclusivity". But give you man some time. It's not that he's unwilling to settle down with you and give up some of his freedom, it's just that he's got to realize that he wants to do this. If you lead him by the hand into commitment, rather than drag him kicking and screaming, the end result will be much more agreeable for everyone.

Kimee Luv is the author of the 2 page report titled "The 7 Deadly Dating Mistakes that Women Make"

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