When I talk about the absolute importance of keeping your relationship youthful, couples often listen in disbelief.
Show me a couple who has lost their luster for playing, cutting up and having fun, and I'll show you a couple on the brink of despair. Or perpetual boredom!
Naturally, as we settle into a long-term relationship, familiarity may lead to boredom. But knowing a person well isn't the problem. That's an asset. The problem is one of settling into a routine and forgetting to mix things up a bit.
What You Can Do About It
If your relationship has become old-hat, and you need to give it a shot of adrenalin, try using a successful strategy I often use with my clients. It will help you to have a lighter, more enjoyable relationship, and to keep your relationship young and vital.
I ask both partners to sit down and make a list of how they would like the relationship to change in the future. What new activities would they like to do? How would they like to relate to each other? How can they add a twist of new excitement or in some way revitalize the relationship?
Having a frank and open discussion can help you to pinpoint areas of concern and unhappiness. Keeping the focus of the discussion on the future helps you to stay positive and to think in terms of your relationship's potential.
I encourage couples to be creative and to use their imaginations when designing the relationship they will have in the future.
Ways To Plan For The Future That Will Work
-- Select a few basic areas in need of change or growth -- areas in the relationship you both value
-- Find new activities you would enjoy doing, and turn over a new leaf by doing a few
-- Select activities or interests you both feel excited about
-- Be bold and try something different
-- Do plan a relationship around more time for play and having fun, but do not over-structure it or make it seem like work or an obligation.
-- Remember all work and no play makes a couple feel old and grumpy. How can you rearrange your relationship to have more time for having fun, traveling or just enjoying life more together?
-- Consider large and small changes, such as moving to another part of the country or finding new hobbies that can keep you learning new things and finding new avenues for personal growth and change
Make A List
Write it all up and make a list of additional steps to take in improving your relationship. Would you like to discuss it with family members or get ideas from people you trust? Are there things you might want to investigate? Do you both need to read a good book on reinvigorating your sex life? Whatever!
A Trip To The City Park
Last week I saw a couple playing in a wonderful way at the local park. They were an older couple, both silver-haired. So don't say you are too old to try this!
They walked around the playground trying out all the equipment, from the teeter totter to the kiddie slide. Some of the play stations were too physically demanding for them, but they had a good time trying. They laughed as they played together, rummaging about the playground with a light-hearted spirit. In the end, they gravitated toward the swing set where they stayed for a long time, swinging.
Not only did they swing on their own, but they took turns pushing each other! She didn't give him much of a push, and they laughed about that for a long time.
This couple captured the spirit of play that makes a relationship feel new and interesting. I don't know how long they had been together, but it didn't matter. If you have fun and try new things at any age, it will re-invigorate your relationship. Sometimes it's merely a matter of rediscovering a long-forgotten activity . . . something you haven't found time to do for a while.
The most memorable image I have kept from that day at the park is one of the couple walking slowly on the walking trail, holding hands in an orange purple burst of sunset, their silver heads flowing with color. How lovely they were, walking, as if one, a smile of unison on their faces.
Rediscover A Lost Relationship Or Build A New One?
You and your partner can get closer together and start enjoying your relationship more, if you rediscover the lost art of having fun and playing as two childhood friends, or the friends you once were. Instead of arguing or worrying, or getting ensnared in the daily routine, which can feel like a cement weight, start a new ripple of fun in your relationship. Reinvent your relationship. Recover your lost knack for living life with a sense of spontaneity, discovery and having fun.
Yet, that is only the beginning.
Why not ask yourselves, now you are experienced with your relationship, what would you like for it to be that it has not yet become?
Why not design the relationship you always wanted by finding creative ways of thinking about your relationship and setting some totally new goals for yourselves?
The mature years of a relationship can be the best of all if you find ways to keep your relationship flexible and keep trying new things. Treat yourselves to a fun-filled future you'll both look forward to and enjoy, and your relationship will prosper and give you years of great happiness.
Sex in The City
